Raisa Baig, 18, a student of Mass Media had to spend three hours at the police station in South Mumbai to lodge a complaint against a man who physically touched her intentionally when she was commuting to college by bus.
When she was struggling with the molester, not a single fellow traveler came to her rescue and she had to fight it out single-handedly. This happened in a Muslim dominated area and the victim and culprit both were Muslims.
Most people, including the woman herself, feel that lewd stares, songs, obscene words and threats are not ‘as bad’ as rape. As the reaction of co-passengers and police highlight, there is a hierarchy of violence where some offences are more acceptable and treated as ‘normal’. This is a fallacy that ignores what a woman faces every time she leaves the house, bracing herself for any such abuse. Every woman has the right to safe travel.
Women must realise that it is not ‘their fault’ that such crimes occur. “Often we are made to feel ashamed, and therefore made to maintain silence when we do face abuse. We are blamed by authorities, perpetrators and on-lookers alike for, say, our clothes, daring to go out at night, travelling on a train alone and so on”, said Raisa.
Why Raisa took the trouble of confronting the culprit at the grave risk? “By recognizing that this stigma is constructed, and by speaking out against it, I wanted to identify the attitude of the culprit that humiliated and victimised me. Only through highlighting the occurrence and extent of the phenomenon will the appropriate authorities take responsibility and act,” she said.
This writer spoke to 14 women for this article. Every woman had an experience of such violence to recount. Hearing the experiences of so many women indicate the pervasiveness of such incidents as well as the helplessness felt by women traveling in trains and bus.
Abida Khan, 32, a teacher with the primary school in south Mumbai also faces similar sexual harassment while traveling in bus. “I find myself totally helpless. I feel I have no power or social support to stop such abuses, even though it occurs frequently in very public spaces and in front of many people she said. Once Abida confr-onted the culprit, but she was shocked that co-passengers ignored the incident, not wanting to get involved, or ‘has-sled’ with ‘pro-blems’.
Many women said that passengers watch the scene as a form of entert-ainment. The comments of the onlookers frequently favour the offenders, reflecting a lack of understanding and sensitivity of the woman’s situation.
Asiya Dawrey, 29, working in a Bank, frequently faces sexual harassment while traveling. “People often express surprise as to why she is making a ‘big deal’ over a stare, a touch or a song. The violation of a woman’s rights, her dignity and her subsequent response and demand for justice is considered melodramatic,” said Asiya.
“Crimes against women are growing by day, but most women still shy away from learning self-defense skills, they rather react negatively and see it as tomboyish and unladylike, or they think themselves too old for it”, says Arvind Khaire, director, Women’s Self-Defence Foundation.
“Today crimes against them are on a rise at an alarming rate, and every woman is a potential victim, irrespective of her age,’’ says Khaire, in a new book, ``Against Close Encounters: Every Woman’s Survival Manual’’.
Women are teased openly and molested mercilessly, every day. Self-protection gears up a woman to fight all this. But Khaire says, “upon being advised to take up self-protection courses, most women react negatively, as they misunderstand the meaning of the term ‘self-protection’.”
“The most important aspects of self-protection are the awareness to recognize potential danger, avoid or neutralize any tense situation with assertiveness, verbal tactics, safety strategies and resorting to physical tactics as a last effort, which enables the would-be victim to effectively prevent, resist, escape and survive a close encounter”, says Khaire.
Asserting yourself is an important part of taking control of your life. If some behaviour is making you feel bad, uncomfortable, scared, confront the person. Tell them what you want them to do. “You’re constantly touching me. I don’t like it. Stop it.”
If someone is bothering you in a public place, make a scene! It will be much more embarrassing for that person than for you! Voice is a weapon, too. Getting right in to someone’s face and screaming will throw them. Yelling, alerts other people and can freak an attacker out. It can also help channel your fear into aggression. Shout “NO!”
Remember, if your gut feeling tells you something immoral going on - DO SOMETHING, whether it’s confronting the person, getting to safety, calling someone for help.
It is critical that family members and members of the public recognise that sexual harassment is a crime and is not the result of a woman’s behaviour, her appearance etc. They must support women who speak out and want to take action, and not be embarrassed by it or insinuate that she “asked for it.” It is unlikely that women will be able to act against sexual harassment without this support.