OUR DIALOGUE

Q: Bringing up children with proper care is the primary duty of parents. Parents should not distinguish in a discriminatory manner between their male and female children when bringing them up. However, the fact remains that girls in many Muslim communities are the victims of their parents’ bias against them. Please comment.
A: If parents have any right to be biased, it should be in favor of girls. Almighty Allah mentioned girls first before mentioning boys while referring to His sovereign control over the universe and creation of human beings in the chapter, Al-Shura .
“To God belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills (and plans). He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He wills: for He is full of Knowledge and Power.” ( Al Shura: 42: Verses 49 and 50).
Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) has clearly demonstrated that a girl is not a matter of humiliation to a family. On the other hand, she is a matter of pride. A man who brings up his daughters in a proper way will be among those who have the honor of standing close to the Prophet on the Day of Judgment. Anas bin Malik reported Allah’s Messenger as saying, ‘He, who brought up two girls properly till they grew up, he and I would come (together) (very closely) on the Day of Resurrection, and he interlaced his fingers (for explaining the point of nearness between him and that person).’ (Al-Bukhari).
In spite of such clear texts, a considerable section of Muslims in many parts of the world believe that spending money on the proper upbringing of girls, including educating them, is a waste of money.
It is also unfortunate to note that mothers in many Muslim societies, apart from aborting a female fetus, are reluctant to feed their girls properly. On the contrary, the parents struggle hard to feed their boys. Parents are also not keen to take sick girls to hospitals as they do with their sons. But this kind of discrimination between boys and girls is a gross injustice and a violation of the teachings of Islam. In an incident narrated by Hazrath Ayesha (may Allah be pleased with her), the spiritual benefits of feeding and taking care of girl children are unequivocally clear. Ayesha reported: “A poor woman came to me along with her two daughters. I gave her three dates. She gave a date to each of them and then she took up one date and brought that to her mouth in order to eat that, but her daughters expressed a desire to eat it. She then divided the date that she intended to eat between them. This action of the woman impressed me and I mentioned what she did to Allah’s Messenger. Thereupon, he said: Verily Allah has assured Paradise for her, because of (this act) of her, or He has rescued her from hellfire.” (Al-Bukhari).
The sayings of the Prophet should be the only guideline for any Muslim community in any part of the world. There is no justification for any Muslim community to be influenced by any other cultural sentiments that drive people to neglect and abuse girls. In fact the model for the relationship between a father and daughter should be the sayings of the Prophet. The Prophet said: “Fatima is a part of me, so whoever angers her angers me.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Media reports such as girls being married off and then tortured by their husbands and in-laws at a tender age or young girls being discriminated against by parents, show a growing tendency of girls’ abuse prevalent in some Muslim countries.

Q. I have been working away from home for many years, during which I supported my parents and my brothers and sisters until the latter all got married and settled. During this time, I transferred money home and I instructed my brother to buy a plot of land and register it in my name. However, when he bought it, he registered it in his name. He is now claiming a share in it, as do my parents. If it was bought with my money, who owns it?

A. If your brother accepted the money you sent him and bought the land as you instructed, he should have registered it in your name. Registering it in his own name is wrong because it could create a difficult situation. Suppose your brother has died, how could you prove your right? There could be only one acceptable reason for his action, and that is if official requirements made your presence necessary and that could not be practically done. In such a case, your brother should have immediately recorded the fact in an official document which made clear who owns the land.
However, claiming a share in this land can only be justified if he actually paid part of the price. If he did not, then he has no share in it. If he claims the share on the basis of the time he spent on the purchase, you can compensate him for his time, but he cannot make such a claim. Nor can your parents. You should put it clear to your family that the fact that you were working abroad and earning well does not qualify them to any share of your earnings. You have already contributed to the family welfare, supporting your brothers’ and sisters’ education and your parents’ needs. You are not required to do anything more.

Q: I wanted to ask you about what is more preferred in Islam? Marriage among cousins or outsiders? And is it okay for a girl to go for a love marriage with the permission of her parents?
(Name withheld on request)

Islamic Voice replies:
A: Islam has no specific guidelines on marital alliances. The Quran, the principal source of guidance, only lays down the prohibited category of relatives with whom one cannot marry. One is free to marry a person of his or her choice beyond this limited category. There is no bar on marriage among cousins. However, some leading companions of the Prophet have advised preference to marriage among people outside the circle of kin as offspring out of such alliances inherit characteristics of wisdom and ingenuity. Hybrid races are often seen to be wiser and smarter. This is however a matter of opinion and advice.
As for the love marriage for a girl with the permission of her parents, she is permitted to marry a man of her choice. Parent’s consent is desirable, though not compulsory. However, whether boy or girl, they ought to seek consent of the parents in order to induct them and the siblings in the support system required for a new family to come up. It is quite likely that they could make wrong decisions due to immaturity and inexperience and in the heat of passion. Marriage being a lifelong partnership, one is advised to make a conscious choice with full awareness of pros and cons.
The issue of love leading to alliance also needs a second look. It is chiefly a Western concept. One should not ignore the trappings and traps of courtship that precedes such marriages. What is considered love may have its basis on lust for the opposite sex. It is where one has to guard himself from immoral aspects of love.

Dialogue is the path prescribed by Islam. Prophet Muhammad’s (Pbuh) mission was to communicate his ideology to people by talking to them, listening to their objections and trying to convince them of his viewpoint by means of arguments. He would communicate his point to people, listen to their responses and then give them further explanations. In this way, his mission became a practical demonstration of what we now term dialogue. To make this dialogue fruitful, the Quran lays down certain meaningful guidelines: “Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and goodly exhortation, and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious.” (16:12)
This verse shows that your conversation with others should be carried on in the best and most gracious way, that is any bickering with other parties has to be avoided. After listening to their objections, the point should be made in such a way that it appeals to their hearts and minds. That is, it should not end in mere debate, but should be result-oriented.