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Muslim parents must explain to children in a very friendly manner, Islam’s code of living that attaches much importance to moral values.
Rehman Patel, a construction contractor, suffered the shock of his life when he came to know that his daughter, Rabia, 18, a first year commerce student, is going steady with her class mate.
Zaheer Ansari, a teacher in a municipal school, was on long leave since two months, when he discovered a love letter in the name of his daughter, Salma, 19, written by Mansoor, her senior in college.
Abida Kazi, 46, who runs a boutique after the death of her husband, finds herself helpless when her daughter, Tahira 21, announces to her that she wants to marry a non- Muslim, Ashwin Mehta, her class mate.
Rehman Patel’s reaction was to remove Rabia from college and put an end to her education. “I am now searching for a good match for her,” he said.
Zaheer himself is in a state of shock. He himself goes to the college twice everyday to drop and pick up Salma. “I am keeping strict watch on her activities and have confiscated her cell phone”, said Zaheer.
Abida has stopped going to her boutique. She is trying to convince Tahira not to marry a non-Muslim as it is not permissible in Islam. Wherever Tahira goes Abida follows her.
These Muslim parents and thousands of others are finding themselves helpless as they have no alternative, but to send their children to co-education institutions.
Most of the Muslim parents are worried about their children as they are completely exposed to the opposite sex in the college. Curiosity plays its role well in this regard. The wrong ideals set by the media and the awful bombardment of immoral images and characters fill the space left out by the germs of curiosity implanted by Satan.
This reality coupled with the fact that they are mostly devoid of the supervision of any sincere mentor at college in that, their teachers themselves do not present their students with a role model of morality, cause innocent students to fall prey to the deadly predator of sexual impurity.
A knee-jerk reaction is not the solution nor is stopping the education of girls going to rectify the situation. Muslim parents need to be more proactive when it comes to the upbringing of their children when they attain puberty. They just cannot dictate or give sermons and expect their children to follow the roadmap of values and morality decided by them.
Why do these Muslim girls fall for the glib talk of boys despite knowing that it is not allowed in Islam? Various studies point out that the feeling of loneliness is emerging as one of the major issues amongst the youth today.
Loneliness has little or nothing to do with how many social contacts you have in a given day. Instead, it’s the paucity of intimate, friendly contacts that leads to loneliness.
What matters is the quality of our interactions: Their warmth or emotional distance, their supportiveness or negativity. The onus here is on the shoulder of parents. Every parent should ask themselves, emotionally how closely they are associated with their own children. Emotions are the guiding structures of our lives. When parents are emotionally very close to their children, then children will accept whatever parents may dictate including moral code of conduct enshrined in the Shariah.
So, just enforcing code of conduct is not going to help in the long run. Close emotional association with children and empathising with them will help parents enforce Islam’s code of conduct. Muslim parents must explain to children in a very friendly manner, Islam’s code of living that attaches much importance to moral values and looks at all aspects of life from a serious angle, provides clear guidelines to outline acceptable Islamic behavior when people meet socially or when attending to their needs.
Thus parents should explain to their children in detail why Islam directs women to cover themselves properly and men to lower their gaze. The first of these guidelines is that which the Qur’an terms as “lowering one’s gaze.” The Qur’an instructs the Prophet (Pbuh) in the following way: “Tell believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity. This is most conducive to their purity. God is certainly aware of all that they do. And tell believing women to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity.” (24: 30-31)
Then parents should give clear explanation of what is meant by “lowering one’s gaze,” The requirement is to lower one’s gaze a little, not to adopt an unnatural posture, such as looking at the ground all the time when one finds oneself in mixed company.
Another important aspect which needs to be openly discussed with children is the dress code which plays an integral part in the promotion of fidelity in a society. Children need to be informed why Islam seeks to preserve the family and quash promiscuity and how immodest dress is a direct cause of this vice.
Muslim girls need to be informed that a woman in niqab is not a mere shadow. In fact she has family and friends who know and appreciate her. They are the only people she is concerned with and who should be concerned with her.
(The writer can be reached at mhl@rediffmail.com)
(All names have been changed to protect identity)
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