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Teaching about sexuality from an Islamic perspective is necessary for young Muslims who are growing up in a society full of tremendous pressures.
Focusing on sexuality in a positive manner can be a difficult task for Muslims. Cultural views of women in general, fear of committing and being punished for sin, and the use of sex as a means of domination, have all contributed to the silence and repression that prevent people from being comfortable with their sexuality as individuals and in relationships. Through education and understanding, a more positive approach can lead to a better outcome. Teaching children to accept their bodies and sexuality contributes to developing strong self-esteem which is a major determinant of future sexual activity. Young people, particularly women, with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in sexual behavior at a young age. Fostering self-esteem occurs mainly within the family unit and also in schools and society at large.
Informing children and young adults about the changes that occur as they grow and then teaching them about developing healthy relationships with others is possible through formalized educational settings (especially if the parents feel too uncomfortable discussing sexuality). Also, a willingness on the part of adults to answer questions openly and to discuss difficult issues such as homosexuality or sexually transmitted diseases will enable young adults to approach their parents and educators and therefore be less likely to obtain inaccurate information from their peers or the media.
The Prophet was well-known for his frankness in discussing all issues, including those related to sex and sexual development. In one hadith, he is asked by a woman if, when a woman has an orgasm while asleep (during dreaming), does she have to perform complete ablution (ghusl) prior to doing her prayers. The Prophet answered that she should perform complete ablution, because such an experience is akin to the nocturnal emissions of men which require ghusl. (Muslim, Nos. 607-613; Bukhari, Vol.1, No. 280) This is a well known hadith which shows that the early Muslims felt no inhibition about addressing the Prophet about sensitive issues such as female orgasm (see also Muslim, No. 649). Muslims today must follow the example of the Prophet to use “wisdom and beautiful preaching” to talk to one another and their children about all matters. Teaching about sexuality from an Islamic perspective is necessary for young Muslims who are growing up in a society full of tremendous pressures.
Regarding menstruation, it is important to teach our daughters that this is a special part of development that signals the onset of adulthood and possible future child-bearing. A supportive attitude by parents is essential as girls struggle to deal with a change that may leave them feeling uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassed. Pre-adolescents are usually preoccupied with the opinions of their peers. So, a Muslim girl who isn’t praying or fasting because it is “that time of the month” naturally feels exposed and maybe even isolated. Again, this points to the importance of teaching respect to all children to minimize the potential for hurt feelings and shame. Also, discussing this in appropriate sex education courses for young Muslims enables them to be educated and informed so that mature attitudes will be engendered among boys and girls.
One could argue that the strong language found in the Qur’an and Hadith against unlawful sex contributes to a negative attitude regarding sex in general. Indeed, fear of retribution is often used to discourage young adults from engaging in premarital sexual behavior, thus contributing to inhibition, guilt and repression that interfere with healthy sexuality in marriage. Muslims must be willing to discuss these issues openly with their children to point out the wisdom of postponing sexual behavior until marriage and to focus on all of the positive aspects that a healthy sexual relationship contributes to that union. Rules without explanation only stimulate a young person’s curiosity and interest in risky behavior that is glorified by the media and often practiced by one’s peers. Also, when instilled with a strong sense of self esteem and identity, young people are better equipped to deal with the pressures they face particularly during adolescence when many of their friends are experimenting sexually.
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