Focus

Being Stalked can be frightening and frustrating. Muslims girls in Mumbai have been plagued by the Stalker phenomenon.


• Zainab 18, a student of Commerce stopped attending college despite having a brilliant academic record.

• Sazia 22, final year, Masters in Management studies student has to undergo psychiatric treatment for mental trauma and fear psychosis.

• Dr Rehana’s 26, arranged marriage was cancelled just two months prior to the wedding.


All are victims of stalking by male strangers. Stalking can be broadly defined as willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly following or harassing another person. Being stalked can be a frightening, frustrating, and life changing experience. Although it is tempting to dismiss stalking behaviour in the hope that it will stop, stalking can be a very serious and potentially dangerous offence. Even without the possible threat of violence, stalkers can instill fear and anxiety in those they stalk, and can completely disrupt someone’s life.


Rubina, 19, a Fine Arts student was walking back home from college when she spotted him, just close to the lane she lives. Again, she had noticed him daily for two weeks. He was seen outside her college, outside her cooking class and she was shocked he was also present in the marriage hall of her cousin recently. “I wasn’t alarmed earlier, he was really cute and I kind of enjoyed the attention. But now, he is seen standing below my house. It worried me. Then the blank calls started. I knew then that I was being stalked!” she said.


This can happen to your daughter or sister or for that matter anyone. In fact, studies show that normal, unknown people like us are plagued by the stalker phenomenon more than celebrities are.


What is stalking? Says advocate Majeed Memon, “if a person follows you in an intimidating manner or poses a threat to you and intrudes illegally on your privacy, it becomes a legal offence. If you find you have a tail, get rid of it - quickly. Not that they are easily identifiable, much less recognizable. A stalker’s physical appearance and initial behaviour gives nothing away of his state of mind. But by and large, stalkers fall into certain behavioural patterns”.


Who are stalkers? A stalker may be a prior intimate partner, an acquaintance, or even a stranger. The majority of stalking cases (75 to 80 per cent) involve men stalking women. What are common stalking behaviour patterns? The pattern usually begins when the stalker is rejected in some way. This rejection often leads to attempts to “woo” their victim into a relationship; this “wooing” may involve giving gifts or acting in a particular way to “prove their love”.


When these attempts are spurned, the stalker often begins to harass his or her victim. This harassment can have many different forms, such as frequent phone calls, following, watching, and uttering threats, and often it becomes more and more frequent and escalates in severity. The possibility that the stalker may turn to violence, as 25 per cent of stalkers do, becomes a serious concern. It is important to remember that each stalker is different and his or her actions cannot be predicted. Some stalkers will never turn to violence, and others will become violent soon after the stalking has begun.


According to psychologist, Dr Rahil Patki, many stalkers believe that girl is in love with them and take any reaction from the girl - even a negative one - as a sign of encouragement. “These stalkers believe they have a right on girls. They will hound them for dates, send them flowers, and call them a hundred times. The girl refuses them, they will ask them again. They ignore them and they will accelerate the pursuit” he said.


They are confident that some day, the girl will submit and thus they dedicate all their time to one project - girl. According to research, majority of the stalkers do it for -thrills with the intent to cause bodily harm, mostly sexual. The power trip that they experience after overpowering girls usually gives them the ‘high’ they are looking for.


If the stalker is a stranger: if a man is following you on the road but has not made any harmful move towards you, it is also an offence. But when you turn and ask him why he is following you or glare at him angrily, and he abuses you or makes a threatening gesture, then it becomes a cognizable offence under Section 504 and 506 of the Indian Penal Code. If he threatens bodily harm, it becomes an offence under Section 506 II, where a FIR can be filed. If the stalker is a known person: Confront him.


If he still keeps it up, you can tell him you have enough material against him and can take him to the police. You can maintain a record of the number of times you have noticed him following you. The police will need all the evidence they can get. If you get text messages on your mobile phone, the police can trace the number. Save the number and the messages. Go to your local police station and file a report. The police will let the stalker know that he is under ‘shadow of doubt’ and that he is being watched.


If it persists, the offence has become a cognizable one and the stalker can be arrested. Of course, if it is an SMS offence, the accused will be charged instantly and can be arrested.


What to do if you are stalked:

1. Do not panic, even if panic threatens to take over, always try and stay in control. You, losing your mental sanity will be your stalker’s first victory. Don’t blame yourself - remember the warped mind of another human being is NOT your fault.

2. Don’t confront the stalker yourself. Let others around you (parents, guardians, close friends) deal with it. There is no greater high in a stalker’s life than when you react to something he did. When someone from your side intervenes, it sends the stalker a clear message: You are not alone in this.

3. Never, ever show fear. Don’t give him the satisfaction of having wrecked your peace of mind. Be strong. Feel that strength from within, don’t just pretend it.


(The writer can be reached at mhl@rediffmail.com)