Trends

Breaking away from the family fold or staying alone in alien cities, to reduced financial dependence, fresh norms are establishing their hold on the New Age Muslim professionals.

“The child is the father of man”, William Wordsworth had said centuries ago. Shehzad Siddique couldn’t agree more. The 26-year-old still feels that he was “a rebel with a cause” as he goes about his life, exactly the opposite fashion in which his father, a retired teacher wants him to live.

From taking decisions to leading life on his own terms, the software analyst knows that taking risks is a part of the game. And having changed four jobs in three years, he knows that seizing the moment at the right time is all that matters. Although he does not see eye-to-eye with his father on this issue, he knows that he “has to grab the moment”.

“My father thinks that it’s sheer madness to have changed four jobs already. But I tell him that it’s the way one has to function now, considering the mounting competition and opportunities alike,” says Shehzad, an analyst based in Mumbai.

New age Muslim professionals, averaging in their late 20’s and early 30’s are self-assured and knowing precisely what they want from life, just makes them a little too confident of what should be served on the platter called life. As young Turks step out early to take charge of their lives, traditional roles are changing. New equations are coming in place as new life trends take effect in the lives of Muslim professionals.

From breaking away from the family fold to staying alone in alien cities to reduced financial dependence, new norms are establishing their hold. And as new life patterns come into action, there are new power bastions. Gone is the traditional notion that the father is the bread-winner and automatically the head of the family at the table.

Young, ambitious souls, with an eye on their career graphs are not scared of taking up challenges to satisfy their needs and desires. In the wake of such a situation, more like Shehzad feel that they are in control of themselves and their lives.

So, where does it leave a traditional Muslim father? For graphic designer Zuber Patel, convincing his father, Riaz Patel was the uphill task. “Sometimes, there were fights with my dad over my staying away till late night because of high pressure job. Since I just could not leave a well paying job, I moved out and started living with my colleagues”, Zuber, 29, said. Riaz, 59,runs a grocery store. Its two years since, Zuber has moved out. “ Initially it was shocking and the pain unbearable. After couple of days, it was me who compromised by calling him up and accepted the reality,” he said.
The greatest fear a father like Riaz, have is that their son will get spoilt. “Today’s generation are more informed and hence matured very fast. They cannot be controlled by dictates”, said psychologist, Dr Anita Verma. “What is essential is that today’s parents should learn to be good listeners. First they must find out what is going on in their children’s mind, what are their ambitions and what company they keep. Instead of acting autocratic, they must try to be understanding, at the same time, caring”, said Dr Anita.

With better access to education and job opportunities, new age professionals are in a position of fleshing out their dreams more comfortably than their parents could have ever done. And it all begins early, agrees 26-year-old interior designer Kazim. Having started working at the age of 24, he feels that being financially independent does make a lot of difference to the equation with parents.

“Its not arrogance, but a sort of self-assuredness that comes in. And that’s when most parents start feeling that we don’t need them anymore. But that’s not true completely because we do need them, but are capable of taking care of ourselves,” he says emphatically.

Pursuing your own dreams is fine. But what happens when children also have to relive dreams spun by their parents? The control over the situation gets out of hand when children rush to pursue their own goals and also fulfill their own dreams. Dr Mirza Usama, a general Practitioner’s dream crashed when his son, Ahmed, after completing MBBS and internship refused to take over his father’s dispensary and instead joined a pharmaceutical company as product manager.

Explaining the move of Ahmed, Dr Anita says that today’s children do not want to repeat the mistake of their parents. “ May be Ahmed felt neglected as his father’s priority was practice and patients. Hence its his way of protesting”, she says.

Many parents come to terms with the changed reality. But others make it their ego problem. Even as Majid, a mechanical engineer got a good breakthrough early, and is well settled with two kids, the control of his father, Mufeed over their life continues. For him, Majid is still a baby. With the occasional exception of family outing, the 38-year-old engineer has never been allowed to pay for dinner when he eats out with his parents. “It’s never happened. Sometimes, I really feel bad that I can’t pay, but my parents are stubborn to the core and there’s no way out from that,” Majid says.
Although it might be a simple dinner, the implications run deep, he goes on to say as independence, control, guilt, obligation and power come into play. “It’s almost like who’s calling the shots and with strong-willed individuals like my parents, it becomes a power trip, which can sometimes become very murky,” he says. “As the children grow, the parents also need to grow and come out of their insecurity. They must accept the change gracefully and instead support and guide their children selflessly and without expecting any thing in return if they have to attain emotional stability in the old age”, says Dr Anita.

The writer can be reached at mhl @ rediffmail . com.