Q: What rights does a woman who has been divorced have in the west, when she doesn’t have a family and it’s hard to make ends meet without going to welfare? Like many, do I have to seek alimony and can I ask my ex-husband to pay to support my children through the courts because in the west one needs proof of transa-ctions?
A: Rights are the same for a divorcee in the west or the east. Whether the woman works at home or outside to help and sustain her family, she has the right to:
a. Cover all her basic living expenses throughout the Iddah period; three months after divorce.
b. If a divorcee continues to care for children, she has the right for continuous monthly allowance for living expenses for herself and for the children.
c. If a husband gets custody of the children, and she is no longer serving the family in any way, then she would not have any financial rights on her ex-husband.
Since you live in the West, you are encouraged to work out an agreement for financial arrangements that will help you to continue to care for your children. If this is not possible, Islam does not prohibit you from seeking your rights through your mosque, community leaders or Imams. If this does not produce an equitable result, Islam allows you to go to court to seek a resolution.
Non-Muslim Parents
Q: I am a 23 year old revert. I have a problem with my non-Muslim parents/relatives drinking alcohol when we visit them and on feasts. I already talked to them several times, but that just offended them and they told me that they will never abandon their “culture” in their house. I already read fatwas about this topic but no one mentioned the hadith that it is forbidden to sit with someone who is drinking. My husband already stopped visiting them, so I go alone and that situation breaks my heart. What is worse? Offending my parents and having difficult and rare contact or sitting with them while they are drinking?
A: Mixing with and connecting with parents is an essential Islamic duty. Your desire to be with them is greatly appreciated. Their resistance seems to be derived from the fact that they regard this a part of “their Culture”, an expression of alienation, i.e., they consider you and your husband as strangers, and they are the ones who are doing what is “culturally” normal, especially in their “own house” The issue here is: If they plan their drinking around the time you are visiting them, then your husband’s way is the proper answer, because they then would have made the decision to drive you both out of their “comfortable” life style. Their behavior also, may be a way to express their resentment to your Islam, and all the changes this brought to their life. I think you need to determine their motives before you can establish an appropriate and constructive response that will not turn a fragile relationship from semi-peaceful co-existence into a total war for life. Please sit with your husband and some wise friends who have gone through similar experiences to get their opinion as well.
Burden of Sins
Q: I am a 23 year old revert from Germany, my husband is Moroccan. My husband and I are discussing the “responsibility”-issue that a man has over a woman. Is it just about financial and the security things or has a man also the responsibility for the sins of his woman? ( Are her sins also his sins on judgment day?)
A: “No soul shall be burdened with the sins of another”, The Qur’an says. Only if he invites her to sin or encourages her to sin or approves her sins, but if he acts appropriately, guides and supports her to do the right thing, then his sins are his and her sins are hers.
Supermarket Tickets
Q: Some time ago, I was working for some weeks in an important supermarket, giving tickets that reduce the prices of the following purchases that people do there. I don’t know that happened to me, but I felt I was not doing haram while I took away many tickets for myself and my family. Now, 3 years later, I was thinking about that and I repented a lot. Do you think that Allah can forgive me?
A: All this depends on the store policy. If the policy did not restrict staff like you from passing these tickets to self or family, then you were within your bounds. But if you were told not to give them to self or family, then you owe this money to the store, and you need to pay it back for your forgiveness to take effect.
(Sheikh Shaker Elsayed is Secretary General of the Muslim American Society)
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May 2009 |