From a wife tracking her husband’s movements to a husband doubting his wife’s innocent laughter, or a mother-in-law destroying the peace of the new bride, suspicion has become the major cause for destruction of relationships today.

Suspicion is a disease of the heart. Today this insidious virus is making deep inroads into our society. The invention of new technologies and tools like mobile phones and internet have definitely brought in tremendous ease in lifestyle, but at the same time its misuse and abuse is causing havoc in the lives of many a family and individuals, wrecking havoc in the family lives. Any new gadget or invention has uses, both right and wrong. For this the tool is not to be blamed. It all depends on the intention of the user. That’s why the new gizmos need not be viewed from the perspective of fear. We should rather employ them for better bonding between individuals and families and for healthy relationships.

Trust is a glue that joins people. Today this important glue has weakened considerably leading to mistrust between husband and wife, parents and children and brothers and sisters. This leads to pressures on family bonds. Moreover, the desire to control and dominate others, self-interest, fear and insecurity ruin our relationships. Suspicion is one of the major causes for destruction of relationships. This satanic disease is widespread in every home, save a few, on whom Allah has bestowed His grace. No home is free from it.

I had the opportunity, by Allah’s grace, of interacting with several couples who were in the grip of this deadly affliction. Our ‘Discover Yourself’ workshops brought in a wealth of information on as to how suspicion and mistrust wreck our lives. Insha Allah I will be writing on these issues continuously in months ahead.

Allah consigns those who neglect Him to the care of Shaitan (Satan). Ibn Abbas related that the Prophet (Pbuh) had said: “Shaitan besieges the individual’s heart. But he retreats whenever such victims of him remember Allah. He again creeps back into the heart whenever the remembrance of Allah goes out”.

Look at this case: A mother-in-law informs a newly married son that she saw her bahu (daughter-in-law) in a shopping mall, talking to somebody and the two having a good laugh. Though they are married for over 25 years and had together raised two children, this small incident engineers a rift between the happily married spouses. The duo share the space of the same house but it no longer remains a home for them. Their marriage gets rocked from the roots, gets reduced to merely a symbolic bond for the world to see. The woman has to now earn for herself and the two children.

Take another case: A devious aunt of the bridegroom whispers into the ears of the bride while hugging her at the marriage ceremony that her mother-in-law would break her marriage within six months. Seeds of suspicion sprout in full strength. Lo and behold, the marriage comes apart within six months.

In another case, a housewife decides to attend the three-day workshop and the husband goes on a three-day holiday with his friends. At the end of the first day, the woman calls her husband on his mobile. There is no response from the other side. The phone keeps ringing. She is wrecked by the worst nightmare of her life. Shaitan whispers into her heart that the man must be sleeping with someone else. She loses her sleep. Next day the man calls her and informs that he had lost his mobile.

Here is another classic case: The husband enters his house and the wife is found to be engaged in an animated telephonic conversation with somebody behind the closed doors of her bedroom. He overhears her. She is found to be mumbling, ‘I love you too’. The man feels stunned and goes dumb. The woman comes out to find her husband in a totally sullen mood. After much persuasion, the wife gets to know the reason for this sudden shift. And all that he gets to know is that the woman was just talking to her mom and was replying to her ‘I love you, beta’ remark on an overseas call.

Most parents begin to suspect that their daughters who are visiting cyber cafes or sending SMS are having an affair with someone. This heralds them into a territory wherein they begin to call them with nicknames such as, kaamchor, naalaiq, shaitan, gadhi and so on. In such a negative environment, how can one expect the daughter to achieve excellence and be a positive human being? Such children turn rebels or run away from home. The parents then blame the present generation, but refuse to see their own role in provoking this response from the children.

Many homes undergo the torment merely because daughters and daughters-in-law seek to work in the call centers and other outsourcing jobs which are very lucrative. Night shifts and late hours of work are a cause a lot of suspicions and even spying. According to a recent piece in a leading newspaper, some husbands, mothers and mothers-in-law have begun to keep tab on them by the help of private detectives.

Another common case for tension and rift is due to the fact that parents suspect their new daughter-in-law of taking their son away from them. It might be that the son had a better offer from the overseas. They make the life of the girl miserable compelling her to blame her destiny and seek divorce.

Source of tension in another family was the mother’s accusation that the daughter-in-law was indulging in sorcery (jadoo in our native parlance) to cause a rift between mother and son. The obedient son, led by his mother misbehaves with wife and the peace of a serene home gets ruined. The bahu being a God-fearing woman is not able to prove her innocence, even after swearing by Allah. She loses her self-respect and suffers silently.

A very common cause for unhappiness is the mother’s attempt to control the sons and thereby sow the suspicions against the wives. This domineering attitude leads to emotional blackmailing of sons and a lot of ego-clashes, fear and insecurity among the new daughters-in-law. It seems most of the mothers-in-law do not need a Bahu (daughter in- law), but a servant whom they could boss over.

Islam is a way of life to peace, love and happiness. It invites its followers not to follow the footsteps of shaitan. But no one is free from his grip except those who seek asylum under the care of Allah. Allah invites His followers to base their relationships on mutual trust, not on doubts, suspicions, accusations and mistrust.

O ye who believe, avoid (indulging in) much suspicion; truly some suspicions are a sin. (49:12)

If you have a suspicion do not pursue it. (al-Tabarani)

The Prophet (Pbuh) said: O Allah’s slaves, be brothers, beware of suspicion, do not look for other’s faults, do not spy, do not hate each other, do not cut off your relations with one another. (Sahih Bukhari)

Peace and happiness are the ultimate desires for everyone in this world. People have wealth, fame, status, education and influence in the society. But contentment is missing. It is all because their intentions and action are not consistent with what they desire in life. Once you alter the intention, outcome will be altered.

Author invites responses and reactions to this article.

He can be reached at islamicvoice@touchtelindia.net or islamicvoi@eth.net

Muslim Perspectives