Focus

Muslims should adopt techniques like Pre-Marital Counselling which will help in reducing the divorce rates in the community.


* Heena Sayed, 26, Graphic Designer, says, “Abid, her husband is too shy and too quiet. I wish he considered me important enough to tell me what he is feeling.” Within two years of marriage they were on the verge of divorce.


* Tehseen Choudhary, 24, a post graduate in management, is under depression as she feels her husband does not acknowledge her career sacrifice, resigning from a well paying job for the success of their relationship.


* Nazia Hashmi, 27, considers it as the worst torture when her husband Hameed announces every year either forty days or four months trip with a religious organisation. Because of this once, she suffered a miscarriage.


“All over the world, divorce rates are on the rise. These days, almost 20 per cent of all marriages are ending up in separation. Studies have shown that in India, the percentage of divorce has increased from about five per cent in 1974 to nearly 15 per cent in 1998 and this rate is increasing steadily,” says Dr Rajan B Bhonsle, a leading marriage counsellor in Mumbai.


“Invariably the cause is found to be either physical incompatibility or emotional incongruity between the partners. Observations have shown that in 90 per cent cases, the trauma of divorce can be avoided if the couple undergoes counselling just before they tie the knot,” says Dr Bhonsle.


“People are realising that it is high time they ascertain the compatibility of the couple on more practical and realistic grounds by undergoing counselling and explain to them how important it is to understand each other and accommodate the other partner’s needs,” he adds.


It has been established that couples exposed to pre-marital counselling have a better chance of coping successfully with their marriage, than those who have not. “This is evident from the fact that in the early 80s, the divorce rate in the US touched nearly 60 per cent. However, with the growing popularity of pre-marital counseling, the situation has been brought under control to some extent,” Dr Bhonsle says.


About the possible reasons for the increasing divorce rate in India, Dr Jitendra Nagpal, Consultant Psychiatrist, Vidyasagar Institute for Mental Health and Neurosciences (VIMHANS) in Delhi, says, “Today, life is hectic. People experience tremendous pressure on all fronts.


“Families are fractured and there is no bond created by religion or tradition leaving most young people in an atmosphere in which they do not know what to expect from their partners when they get married.” Dr Nagpal said.


Also, phenomenal change has taken place in the status of women. Strangely enough, men and women accept each other as equal at workplaces but the equation at home is entirely different.


“Women are rebelling against automatic role allocation and less willing to accept injustice or second class treatment within a family. Thus, there is need for proper guidance to both partners to make them understand role-sharing in married life,” Dr Nagpal adds. Pre-marital counselling tackles concerns relating to the impending marriage, clears up misconceptions about sex, talks about issues like interpersonal relationships, religious practices and customs, beliefs, habits, financial and social values, role of in-laws, duties and responsibilities, which could become contaminants in their married life, pre-marriage counselling also includes certain physical tests. “Parents may, at times, be unaware of certain conflicts and concerns that their child has with regard to marriage. This is where pre-marital counselling helps bridge the gap. People are taught problem solving skills and the art of healthy communication,” says Dr Nagpal.


Research shows: that approximately 15 per cent of children are genetically introverted and that most of them will always be that way. One of the partner tries to make them their photocopy.


Islam has given us excellent guidelines regarding marriage. Many hadiths can act as guiding principles in the post-marriage life. Ironically the community does not apply these gems from Prophet Muhammad’s (Pbuh) life in the form of pre-marital work shops. The community needs the synthesis of modern knowledge and the hadith and start premarital workshops on the line of workshops like “Discover Yourself” conducted by A. W. Sadathullah Khan of Islamic Voice.