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Restricting meetings between adolescents from the two sexes does not mean that such meetings should be banned altogether. What we mean is that such meetings should be on a restricted scale.
The sexual urge is normally at its strongest in adolescence. Young people need to cope with a new, strong desire that is beset with social and moral values. In a society that takes a very serious approach to morality, it is natural that emphasis is placed on observing certain standards of propriety. There are two factors, which Islam encourages to ensure that society is able to maintain its high standards of morality. These are ensuring good upbringing and education of boys and girls, and promoting early marriage. There is a third factor, which is allowing a limited measure of mixing between young people under proper supervision. There are several Hadiths that show that such mixing was allowed during the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him), under a careful, watching eye. We may cite some of these.
Abdullah ibn Abbas reports: “Al-Fadl (Abdullah’s brother) was riding behind the Prophet when a woman from Khath’am spoke to the Prophet. Al-Fadl kept gazing at her and she looked at him. The Prophet kept turning Al-Fadl’s face to the other direction.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Umm Atiyyah reports: “We were ordered to go out on the Eid day, including virgin girls who were brought out of their seclusion.” (Related by Al-Bukhari). Ibn Abbas reports that on the day when Makkah surrendered to the Prophet: “People came to the Prophet in large numbers, saying: ‘Here is Muhammad. This is Muhammad.’ Indeed, adolescent girls came out of their homes to see him.” (Related by Muslim.) These two Hadiths confirm that Arabian traditions restricted the opportunities of young, adolescent women to go out so that they do not frequently meet young men. The Prophet appears here to have endorsed this tradition.
However, restricting meetings between adolescents from the two sexes does not mean that such meetings should be banned altogether. What we mean is that such meetings should be on a restricted scale and under proper supervision. Such supervision is provided by the family, so that meetings take place in the presence of a parent or some relatives. If they meet outside the family, then others should be present who are well respected by the adolescents concerned. What is important to realise is that such meetings, in a safe environment, provides training in self-control for young people, boys and girls, and prepares them to conduct their future contacts within an atmosphere of propriety. Moreover, when young people are used to meet the opposite sex on serious occasions within the family environment, observing Islamic standards of propriety, is highly beneficial. It is a safeguard against developing excessive shyness among religious young people, and curtails the enthusiasm of those who are driven by their desire, paying little heed to other considerations.
Islam defines certain standards of propriety, some of which are gender-specific while others are common to both sexes. Of this latter type is the need to ensure that the meeting between men and women should be a serious one. God instructs the Prophet’s wives, and all Muslim women, saying: “Speak in an appropriate manner.” (33: 32) This Qur’anic order makes clear that conversation between men and women must be within the limits of what is reasonable and appropriate. It must not include anything that Islam does not approve of. Hence we said that the meeting between them must be serious, for what is serious between men and women is appropriate, while play and frivolity is inappropriate.
Having said that, we need to make clear that a word said in jest does not detract from the seriousness. An example is found in the following Hadith, reported by Abu Musa Al-Ashari: “Asma bint Umays visited Hafsah, the Prophet’s wife. Asma was one of those companions of the Prophet who had immigrated to Abyssinia in the early years of Islam. Umar, (Hafsah’s father) entered while Asma’ was still with Hafsah. When he saw her guest he asked Hafsah who was her visitor. She said, ‘Asma’ bint Umays.’ Umar said: ‘Is she the Abyssinian? Is she the seafarer?’ Asma confirmed that. Umar said to her: ‘We have been ahead of you in immigrating with the Prophet, and thus we have better claim to him than you.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Nor is it contrary to propriety that the conversation should include some friendly exchange. An example may be given here.
Masrooq reports: “We went to visit Ayesha and found Hassan ibn Thabit with her, reciting his poetry which included some lines expressing love.. Ayesha said to him: ‘But you are not like that.’ Masrooq asked her: ‘How come you permit him to visit you when God says: ‘Awesome suffering awaits the one who took on himself the lead among them.’ (24: 11) She said: ‘What suffering is greater than blindness?’ She then added: ‘He used to defend the Prophet against poets who abused him.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
It should be explained that Hassan ibn Thabit was one of the finest poets during the time of the Prophet. He had been a well-established poet before the advent of Islam. When Islam began to make headway in Madinah, Hassan embraced the new faith and used his poetic talent for the service of Islam. When poets from Makkah who were idolaters began to abuse Islam and the Prophet in their poetry, those Muslims in Madinah who were poets in their own right took upon themselves the task of defending the Prophet. Hassan was the most prominent among these. However, he made a serious slip when he was caught up with those who repeated the false accusation against Ayesha. Hence Masrooq’s remark about her allowing him to visit her. But the point that supports our case in this report is the fact that Hassan was reciting poetry some of which was love poetry. None of those present took exception to that.
(Arab News)
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