Our Dialogue

Q. Someone was so upset about repeatedly committing a sinful act, and he pledged himself before God never to repeat it again, earnestly seeking God’s forgiveness. However, sometime later, he committed the same sin again, but he was so upset at having violated such an earnest pledge. The thought of being a hypocrite has been haunting him. He made the same pledge to God again, but he is so scared of weakening in his resolve once more before temptation. Please comment.


A. The first thing I would like to say to this man is that he is not a hypocrite. His feelings are genuine and his regret that he is weakening before the temptation of sin is evidence of that. So, he should drive this notion out of his mind, because it could become his weak point through which Satan could tempt him into more sin. Satan may whisper to him that he is not a good believer, and that God will punish him anyway; so he may just as well enjoy the sinful act again. The punishment will be the same. This is one of the ways Satan could tempt people into evil action. Therefore, we must guard against leaving him such an opening. This man should take the opposite way and try to persuade himself that he is only weakening once at a time. He is genuine in his repentance, and God will, if He so pleases, accept his repentance.


What we need to realise is that God accepts repentance when it is genuine and accompanied with a clear resolve not to repeat the same sin again. This man has been doing that. His eagerness at the time of repentance is clear evidence of that. Therefore, God accepts his repentance, if He so pleases. He should be assured of that. It is true that he has been weakening time and again, even after such a very serious repentance coupled with a firm pledge, but this is something he could not have known at the time when he repented. Therefore, God does not take the later action to invalidate the previous one. He accepts the repentance as genuine and forgives on its basis. When the person weakens and commits the sin again, only the new sin is recorded against him. Therefore, he should not despair. He should again resolve to be firmer this time and he should repent and seek forgiveness anew. Even if this happens several times, he must not despair. He should listen to God’s own words: “You servants of Mine who have transgressed against your own selves! Do not despair of God’s mercy; for, God forgives all sins. Most certainly He alone is much-forgiving, merciful.” (39: 53)


Having said that, this man should try to take some steps that could be of help in avoiding the temptation. Suppose that he is guilty of drinking with his friends. He should stop going out with those friends who drink. He must choose instead some friends who do not drink and associate with them more closely. In fact, he should always associate with people who are righteous and who would encourage him to be more diligent in observing his Islamic duties and avoiding sin. If his problem is one of sex, he should avoid any situation that offers temptation. Moreover, he should always keep himself busy. Having loads of spare time is a factor that could lead to temptation and weakness.

Q. A woman’s husband went to work abroad over three years ago and she has had no word from him ever since. We in fact consider him missing. She is in real financial trouble because she cannot work. Please advise.


A. There are two aspects to this problem: Helping the man’s wife and family, and the status of the marriage. As for the woman herself, and her children, if any, they should be given whatever help available.


If the woman could be given some training so that she could work and look after herself and her family, this will be the best kindness to give her.


In this sort of thing, even zakah money could be paid, not only to give her what meets her basic needs, but also to pay, say, for the fees of any education or training she needs in order to have a job of her own.


Her relatives should be the first to approach about helping her. If they are too poor to help, then she could be helped by zakah and sadaqah from anyone. The important thing is to look after her properly.


As for the status of the marriage, it depends on what the people close to the case think. Are they sure that the man is unreachable? Do they think that he might have died? There are numerous incidents of people seeking jobs abroad but meeting their end in difficult situations, such as boat people who drown, or those smuggled in lorries into European countries. The woman and her family should try to get any information they can about the whereabouts of the husband. If they have absolutely no way of knowing, then they should apply to the authorities for a suitable ruling.


It is better to consult a lawyer on this point, because the laws of different countries look at such matters differently. It is possible from the Islamic point of view to apply for nullification of the marriage on grounds of neglect, but this is an area that should be looked into in detail by a competent lawyer.

Q. After getting married in his home country, an expatriate came back to his work, but he feels depressed. The point is that he feels that he is defeating the very purpose of marriage by staying away from his wife. He contemplates resigning, but if he does, it may not be easy for him to find a suitable job at home. What should he do?


A. The proper thing for a married couple is to stay together. If this proves difficult, then they should agree together what is best for their future. Thus, if this person is able to get his wife to join him at his place of work, he should do so. If not, then he should consider his other options.


What he should be clear about is that if his separation from his wife is prolonged, with year after year going on and he is only able to see her during his vacations, then this is not a healthy situation. He should consider going back home, even though working there may not enable him to lead the sort of comfortable life he finds now. But he should make his choices on the basis of what he is certain of. This means that he should not resign and go back immediately. He should try to secure a job at home first. If he does and can manage to support his family on his wages there, then he is better advised to go back, because keeping his family together is a great advantage which outweighs the benefit of higher income here.

Q. Is it appropriate for women to attend Friday prayer in the mosque, if it is convenient for them to do so?


A. Yes, it is perfectly acceptable that women should attend Friday prayers, although it is not obligatory for them. Muslim women have been attending Friday prayers in all Muslim countries since the Prophet’s time. They attend Friday prayer every week in the Sacred Mosque in Makkah and in the Prophet’s Mosque in Madinah, as well as in Al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem.


Wherever it is convenient, they may attend if they wish. God has been kind to us, taking into account the duties women have to perform and the fact that they often need to look after young children. Therefore, He has not made Friday and congregational prayers obligatory to women. But He has not barred them from them. Hence, they may attend whenever they please. The Prophet (Pbuh) says: “Do not prevent female servants of God from attending God’s mosques.”

Q. Recently a member of my family died, which left me thinking about death all the time. I am always in a sad state. May I ask you what does Islam say about depression and negative thoughts. Since God says that this life is a test for us, and since He listens to our prayers, what is the status of a prayer to Him to protect us from such a test? How does one increase one’s trust in God? Can prayers change destiny? Does a person incur God’s anger if he is sad all the time?


A. There are two aspects to your problem: Medical and spiritual or religious. The medical is depression, which is one of the top three diseases that affect people in the world today. It is rapidly increasing and is predicted to overtake all other diseases soon. Hence, it must not be overlooked, or treated casually. The World Health Organization maintains that psychological or mental diseases are treatable and curable, just like physical diseases. Moreover, it is normal that people could develop depression after some personal misfortune. Therefore, it is important that you should see a competent doctor or a psychiatrist for your condition. Normally, depression is treated with anti-depressant medicaments, and personal sessions, or by one of the two methods. You need to be careful with anti-depressants, because some of them are habit-forming. In your case, you may need them for a limited period, not exceeding a few weeks or months.


The religious aspect is well known. What you have written at length shows that you do know all that I can say on this. This life is a test and we need to prove ourselves. One important aspect of that is to accept God’s will whatever it brings us, and to realize that whatever comes from God is for our benefit and happiness. If one keeps these ideas in front of one’s eyes, they are bound to give him satisfaction and contentment in all situations. But this may be easier said than done, because depression affects the spirits and the mind. Hence, it is important to always think of the positive aspects in one’s life. Anyone of us can think of a long list of positives if we only reflect a little and compare our situation with that of people who are less privileged. This is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) teaches us to think of those who are below us, rather than those who are above us. If we follow his advice, we will recognize God’s favors and be thankful to Him for them.


What I can tell you is that reading the Qur’an more frequently is always helpful in dispelling momentary depression. If you have the combination of an anti-depressant, positive thinking and reading the Qur’an, your condition will, God willing, show marked and quick improvement. It is certainly appropriate to pray to God for protection against failure in the test He puts for us. We may appeal to Him for help so that we are able to pass this test. There is nothing wrong with that.


In order to increase one’s trust in God it is important to accept what comes from Him. We attribute everything in our lives to Him. A person who is made redundant feels very unhappy. But if he has proper trust in God, he knows that his sustenance is not made by the job he does, or the company employing him; rather, his job or company is only the means by which he gets what God has given him. If he loses his job, it is only because God has changed this means, and he should trust that God would give him a new opening. If he does, relying on God all the time, he will soon be earning what may be better than what he lost.


Prayer can change things for us. God says in the Qur’an: “Your Lord says: Pray to Me and I will respond to you.” This is a promise, and God never fails in His promises.


A feeling of sadness does not incur God’s anger. What incurs it is a feeling of discontentedness. When one is always grumbling, moaning his misfortunes, thinking that he does not get what he deserves, etc. this is evidence of lack of faith. One should always remember the verse that says: “Should you try to count God’s blessings, you will never be able to compute them. Yet man is persistent in wrongdoing, stubbornly ungrateful.” (14: 34)


This inability to compute God’s blessings applies to every one of us. None of us, regardless of any misfortunes that befall him or her, will ever be able to compute the blessings God gives him or her throughout their lives. Therefore, we should stress these, rather than the misfortunes that befall us.

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