Reflections

It is selfishness and egotism that holds us back from God and our best selves.


I always had difficulty with prayer. If God knows everything and is, as the Qur’an says, closer to me than my jugular vein, why did he need to hear my requests?

I disliked the idea of a God who demands endless praise - he reminded me of a tyrant who demands constant, obsequious abasement from his subjects. Surely God did not need to be reminded that he had created the world and that we are all miserable sinners, as we say so frequently in our liturgy.

And I had great problems with petition. Why should God answer my prayers, when he so clearly fails to heed the prayers of many hopeless people throughout the world? I also did not really believe in a God who would intervene in history and change the natural order: Why should he avert a storm from the location where I am planning a picnic and send the storm onto some other unfortunate folk?
But then I came to understand that prayer is really for us. It is selfishness and egotism that holds us back from God and our best selves. We use language to build a protective carapace around ourselves, to ward off attack and to bolster our self-esteem. How rare it is to really apologize; and how frequently the person who does apologize points out that you too are somewhat to blame for what has occurred.

How rare it is really to praise. There is a nasty little part of us that feels impaired by somebody else’s success or good fortune. I recall a friend once saying to me: “Oh Karen! Congratulations on your marvellous reviews!” And then, almost immediately: “Have you put on weight recently?” People are often reluctant truly to thank somebody from the bottom of their heart or to express need: It is a tough world and you have to seem in control.

But prayer teaches us to use language in a different way: To thank, praise, and beg pardon wholeheartedly, without holding anything back. And as we do that, we chip away at our egotism. And that, in turn, will make us a force for good to the people around us and make the world a better place-without asking God to perform a miracle.

When the Prophet (Pbuh) met any of his companions in the street, he would pat him on the back or shoulder, walk with him for some distance, or sit with him and inquire after him. He would thus make him feel that he is close to him. Indeed, the Prophet cared for every one of his companions, making them all feel that they were his close personal friends. If there was anything special about any such meeting, they would report it and thus we learn from them the Prophet’s guidance on such detailed matters.

One such incidence is reported by Abu Hurayrah, who says: “I met the Prophet in some street in Madinah when I was in the state of ceremonial impurity. I, therefore, turned into some alleyway so that he would not see me. I went away, took a bath and came back. The Prophet asked me: ‘Where have you been, Abu Hurayrah?’ I said: ‘I was in the state of ceremonial impurity, and I did not like to sit with you when I was in that state.’ He said: ‘All glory belongs to God. A Muslim is never impure.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari).

This occasion mentioned by Abu Hurayrah is special because he felt he could not talk to the Prophet, shake hands with him or allow him to touch him. Therefore, he turned away from him. However, the Prophet saw him. As his behavior was unusual, since all Muslims were always happy to meet the Prophet at any time, hoping that he would pray for them, the Prophet wanted to know why he did that. However, his question was phrased in a way that would cause Abu Hurayrah no embarrassment. He asked him where he was, not why he turned away.

It should be made clear that Abu Hurayrah’s behavior on this occasion was not wrong. On the contrary, it was a gesture of good manners. He held the Prophet in very high esteem and so he disliked that the Prophet should sit or walk with him before he could take a bath. Hence, he rushed home for a quick bath and came back. The Prophet, on the other hand, wanted to make clear that there is nothing wrong with social contact when people are in the state of ceremonial impurity, or janabah.