Editorial

The Nikahnama issued by the All India Shia Personal Law Board (AISPB) seems to be a more progressive document than the one issued by the All India Muslim Personal Law Board(AIMPLB). Though the latter represents the entire diversity of Muslims in India, it had been caught in a time warp. The AIMPLB had shown a lot of frigidity in terms of moving with the times. For instance, the AIMPLB has not been able to dilute its stand on the ‘three talaq’ (triple divorces) issue and has remained steadfast on its legally binding effect in matters of dissolution of marriage. This is despite the recognition that it was extremely disapproved by the holy Prophet, peace be upon him. Moreover, the nikahnama in this case was a voluntary document while the Shia Board has made it mandatory for the two sides to sign it.


The new document issued by the Shia Personal Law Board at its convention on November 26, 2006 makes it mandatory for the bride and the groom to sign a legal contract declaring their credentials, qualification, job and income etc. It allows the women to seek a divorce if the husband cheats her; if she is barred from exercising her right to education; if he disappears for two years; if he does not provide her maintenance for months together; or, if he forces her to have sexual liaisons with other men. Conversely, the Shia wives have been prohibited from making such ‘wasteful expenditure’ that would result in indebtedness of the husband. The AIMPLB nikahnama had only laid down the conditions of cruelty and impotence of the husband for the wives to proceed for the divorce.


Though it is still within realm of doubt as to how representative is the AISPB of the Shia sect of Muslims, it is indeed painful that the AIMPLB could not measure up to the expectations of all sections within the community in matters of reforming the Personal Laws. The AIMPLB has been following the credo of ‘status quo’ on personal law without taking adequate note of the fast changing socio-economic realities within the community. The Board has neither a research and study cell for assessing the changes in the status of women due to the advent of new technologies, social trends and economic factors, nor does it consider it worthwhile to look at the reforms being affected in the Muslim world.

Skilful listening is an art that does not come easy. Most people are impatient for their turn to talk than to listen in a conclave and thereby prove that they cannot rise beyond the ordinary. Several of us confuse listening with hearing and registering sounds. But hearing is a passive activity while good listening is a participatory action where an individual deciphers the coded messages and metaphors and determines the true meaning of what he hears.


Our Creator has endowed us with two ears and one mouth in order that we listen twice as much as we speak. Genuine listening generates respect, rapport and trust between the listener and the talker. John Maxwell suggests, “Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting.” Jack Nichols noted, “Every person I work with knows something better than me. My job is to listen long enough to find it and use it.” Dale Carnegie had said: “You can make more friends by listening to them in two weeks than by getting the people interested in you in two years.”


Successful companies like to listen more from their employees in order to make them contribute ideas than din into their ears what they think is best for the company. Productivity goes up and problems get solved in such companies where superiors are keen listeners. Listening lays the foundation for learning. Humorist Wilson Mizner observed, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.” And, says American cartoonist, Doug Larsen, “Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would have preferred to talk”.


Being a good listener involves giving the talker one’s undivided attention; not interrupting him; raising non-threatening follow-up questions thereby making it clear the intent to improve comprehension than countering the talker; commenting what you have heard; and, repeating the message distilled from the talker in one’s own words into order to absorb it more firmly.


It is never too late for one to be a good listener. Remember, extraordinary people monopolise listening, but ordinary people monopolise talking.